How to Murder Someone in the Real World
by Jane O'Callaghan
Summary: A woman who doesn't seem to realize she's just playing a game is fed up with a certain person who is constantly pestering her.  Determined to do something about it, she soon discovers that it's not so easy to kill someone in the real world... of warcraft.


**Hi there! So this is just a oneshot that I may or may not write more for later on. Basically, this is the narrative of a woman in World of Warcraft who either doesn't realize that it's just a game, or just really gets into the roleplaying aspect, and so... well, you'll see. Enjoy!**

**Note: this is rated T for one little curse word near the end, but I thought I'd warn you now in case you're super sensitive to that sort of thing (or not old enough to be reading T rated fics, but we all know you do anyway).**

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How to Murder Someone in the Real World...of Warcraft

He wasn't doing anything particularly wrong, really. He had a fair amount of intelligence, relatively good hygiene, and a lovely sense of humor. The only real problem that I could find with him was that he was actually _there_. Constantly hovering over my shoulder, asking what I was doing, where I was going, and whether or not I could help him with something in some dungeon somewhere in the world. If I told him I was busy, or if I gave him some other subtle hint that I didn't wish to be bothered by him right then, he would still continue to talk to me. "I need money," or "I need help killing this 'dude'," were always mixed into our strange, sometimes hard to understand conversations. Oh how many times I wished that I could just leave this world and never return; but, of course, that is impossible.

Finally I decided that I had had enough. I decided that this man needed to go, if he wouldn't go on his own, then I would have to use stronger measures. So I did. Recently, he had begun to ask me for help on completing some list of achievements that he found. I saw this as my golden opportunity, and so I quickly agreed to this. The first few achievements were useless for my task; hugging random, flea-ridden animals, exterminating pesky vermin, and things like that.

Finally, we came across something that I knew I could use: "I need to fall twenty feet without dying, and without falling into any water or other squishy materials," he said nervously.

"Alright then, let's find a tall building," I told him, trying to keep myself from laughing maniacally.

He nodded, and we quickly departed for Darnassus. "Yo, how high is twenty feet, anyways?"

I frowned as I tried to decipher what, exactly, 'yo' was supposed to mean. Finally deciding that it wasn't important, I quickly answered him. "I'm not sure. We'll just go somewhere that looks fairly high." I, of course, knew exactly how long twenty feet was, but I wasn't about to tell him that.

Finally we reached the top of the tallest tree. Ignoring the few Elves that were there, clapping happily that they had visitors, I quickly turned and pointed downwards. "Try this."

"Are you sure?" he asked hesitantly.

I nodded.

"Here goes nothing!"

I felt a smile tug at the corners of my mouth; nothing indeed, for the first time in weeks I could see my freedom speeding towards me, glowing brightly, almost victoriously. I watched as he leaped through the air as if in slow motion. His limbs swung wildly in the open air, and a strangled scream reached my ears as he neared the fast approaching, unforgiving ground.

I heard a thud, and then immediately after several loud cracks. I peered over the edge and saw him there, tangled in a heap with the shrubs and other flora. He didn't move for several seconds, and so I let my smile grow.

He was gone! Finally, after all this time! I raced down the tree, leaping in joy as the cool wind slapped against my face. I felt a little more subdued as I approached the body. There was no sign of breathing, or any life at all. I clapped my hands together gleefully before quickly slipping away, fearful of any observers. While there was no strong police force here, every once in a while there would be some goody-two-shoes person who liked to give long lectures about being nice or something useless like that.

Suddenly a familiar voice stopped me, "Hey, where you going? I got it! I got the achievement! Must've been a bug or something... you know, 'cause I died."

I turned around stiffly, barely able to comprehend what was going on. Standing in front of me, with that annoying, stupid grin that never left his face, was _him_. "How..." I managed to blurt out.

"Wut? Lol, I can walk back to my body, you know!"

"I don't... understand... and I ask you again, what in the world does 'lol' mean?"

He laughed, "You mean, in the world... of warcraft!"

Cryptic as always, damn him. So here we are, still questing together. Don't pity me though, good readers, for someday I will get my chance to vanquish him once and for all from this world. Someday, I will have my freedom back!

_Finis_


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